Humor quotes

chahay yeh alfaaz par aik drama ho, roz marrah ki cheezon ke baray mein aik mazhaka khaiz mushahida ho ya purani latiefaai baten, mazah ka hamaray paas ehsas dilanay ka aik tareeqa hai ke hum sab is pagal zindagi mein aik hi cheez se guzar rahay hain. kaam, pyar, doston aur kunba ke baray mein yeh mazhaka khaiz Quotes par aap ka yeh kehna hoga,” itna sach !” kyunkay, theek hai, woh hain. dosaron ke l- h aap ko mazahiy, qabil qabil film aur TV lamhaat yaad hon ge.

Humor quotes

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

“So many books, so little time.”

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”

“I love mankind … it’s people I can’t stand!!”

“Remember, we’re madly in love, so it’s all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.”

“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

“Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”

“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?”
“Yes,” said Harry stiffly.
“Yes, sir.”
“There’s no need to call me “sir” Professor.”
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.”

“Jesus!” Luke exclaimed.
“Actually, it’s just me,” said Simon. “Although I’ve been told the resemblance is startling.”

“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.”

“Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?”

“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.”

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they’re ok, then it’s you.”

“I don’t want to be a man,” said Jace. “I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can’t confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.”
“Well,” said Luke, “you’re doing a fantastic job.”

“Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.”

“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”

“This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer”

“Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?”
“You called her a liar?”
“You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?”
“Have a biscuit, Potter.”

“Never memorize something that you can look up.”

“He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.”

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.”

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.”

“Death’s got an Invisibility Cloak?” Harry interrupted again.
“So he can sneak up on people,” said Ron. “Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking…”

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

“It means ‘Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234’.”

“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”